Dec 28, 2021
The Importance Of Following Your Own Expectations & Ideas
How much time do you have left?
It’s funny because at the start of life we don’t give a damn what anyone else thinks. We just want to run around and have fun. Then as time creeps in things get serious. The insecurities intensify and our purpose for life is suffocated by other peoples expectations.
We get stuck in jobs we hate, careers we despise and relationships that are toxic because that’s all we know. It’s too late to change, or so we think. Then when middle age strikes there’s waves of regret that we didn’t act sooner.
But here’s what I’ve figured out in my 40 years of roaming the earth. The older you get the less you worry about what anyone thinks but the more you worry about time passing you by.
The life you live is yours. What meaning you give to it is your own choice, no-one elses. Whether that’s living it large with a fancy yacht surrounded by beautiful people or giving up your weekend to volunteer at the homeless shelter, life is what’s purposeful to you.
There’s no right or wrong. No judgement either way. But it has to come from inside. I feel too many people are living their life based on other people’s expectations. And never truly achieving happiness for themselves.
I agree helping other people to be happy should be part of big idea. Moving mountains to help others in need and help solve their problems. Science shows acts of kindness and gratitude improves positive psychology.
I would though argue it shouldn’t be at the expense of your own happiness. We are indeed social creatures though we stem from individuality. There’s over 7billion people roaming the earth, yet no two people are the same.
Although we share similar problems, interests and activities, our individuality is what makes us unique individuals. We have our own ideas, values, and ambitions.
Yet it’s unfortunate that as the years go by we are pushed into other people’s ideals forcing us to push this creative self deeper and deeper into the abyss. Until eventually we’re on a hamster wheel powering someone else’s dream.
As kids we explored, tested and in many cases failed at a lot of things. Yet the very next day we’d go again. No wallowing in self-pity, feeling ashamed, or in a constant sate of anxiety of what other people will think.
As kids it was an adventure, everything was just a game. If you really were sucky you’d move on to the next thing and give that a go.
It’s only when people poke their noses in and say things like “that’s not for you” or “you’re not good enough for that” or “get real you can’t do that”. This is when the trouble starts.
The truth is, these statements are other people’s insecurities, other people limitation they burden on to others. It in twisted way it makes them feel better about their failures in life.
Like tiny little seeds they embed into our brain and overtime start to lodge their roots deep inside our mind. Every time we’re faced with a challenge or new opportunity that little voice “you’re not good enough” comes to the surface and we immediately pulled back to “reality”.
But what is reality?
According to Wikipedia,
“Reality is the sum or aggregate of all that is real or existent within a system, as opposed to that which is only imaginary”
The irony here is that reality is a system someone else created through imagination. In 1993 the world wide web was made public for the first time. 11 years later a geeky guy in his Harvard dorm was creating a new way to change socialising forever. And now, in 2021 (soon to be 2022) there’s a new world about to erupt, the Metaverse.
Imagine saying to your grandfather thirty years ago that you could sit in the comfort of your home, in just a pair of undercrackers and build a million-dollar business. He would have choked on his black bullet.
Yet here we with people as young as 13 years old, becoming self-made millionaire from their bedrooms. Reality is what you create.
The web, Facebook and now the Metaverse (god help us) changed the rules. It has created (and continues to create) a system and cultivate a new way of living, and if I’m honest something I’m concerned about.
I digress, it’s not about my fears on the changing world for the worse. But for my optimistic view for the better. How you and I can change it for the better.
What makes us unique is not talent or extraordinary skills. I don’t believe for a second, we are all special little snowflakes. Our ideas and values are what separates us and makes us different. What stands us out is the courage to execute these ideas.
“A pile of rocks ceases to be a rock when somebody contemplates it with the idea of a cathedral in mind.” — Antoine De St-Exupery
See what I think most people don’t realise is our values and ideas come from experience, hardships, and in most cases observing how others are doing things. Then intercepting it with the new way. This collection of experiences creates our world view on things that are important to us.
Of course, people who possess exceptional skills no doubt make a good living from. But it’s no deal breaker. I’m 40 and yet to find mine (I’m losing hope) so it’s a case of spreading my ideas and helping one person at a time.
Maybe you’re headed into midlife battling demons from the past. In search of opportunity, to spread ideas and make a change. I encourage you to continue.
I also encourage you to make it your own. Follow your own path, your own ideas and be strong with your values. In his book, Delivering Happiness, the late Tony Hsieh recites a quote that changed his perspective,
“envision, create and believe in your own universe”
I kinda like this quote and I strongly believe we can create what we believe in. It’s just a case of putting in the reps every single day.
Thank you for reading,
